Tonight though it was a much needed night out with the girls . I surcome to hire an awesome and adopted babysitter herself to watch Eliza. She is a wonderful young lady with tons of values and morals. I could not have picked a better suited young woman so... this blog is not about her but more about me and Eliza's needs.
Let me back track...I am a working mother with a wonderful daycare during the week. I am allowed to fortune to stay home with Eliza about two months out of the year . During her first year, I was able to stay home with her for four months and she was with my mom for two months. I do have to say the guilt tonight leaving her was momumentous. I was not ready for this transition and... I am not sure that she was ready for this transition. Did I need the girls night out? Yes!!! At the expense of leaving my daughter for an additional four hours this week, the answer for myself was, NO!
Why did I do this so early? What was I thinking?
~I guess I was thinking that it would be good for her to have a healthy older Chinese adopted role model in her life.
~I was thinking that it might be fun to have a night out on the town but ...what did we do... we talked about our little ones. How much we love them and miss them!
What did I not think about?
~ Was Eliza thinking she was going to be abandoned again?
~Was she thinking that I only spent two hours with her today and 1/2 an hour of that time was driving the babysitter to and from the house instead of reading, playing with her, singing nursery rhymes and just having good bonding time with her.
I did call the babysitter once during the evening and Richard did come home early from work so she was not with the sitter that long. But, was she ready? Was I ready? Was our family really ready for this? My answer tonight is, "No!" Maybe, someday soon, it will change. But, as for now, I will not do this again anytime soon. Next time, I will have the role model over for a play date or a mother's helper with Mommy (me) around.
Live and Learn.... I am sorry baby girl, please accept this apology. Mommy is learning with you. Sometimes I need to step back and look at both of our needs a little better and not surcome to the outside worlds needs. I love you little Eliza baby!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Babysitter???
Posted by K~ at 10:51 PM
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2 comments:
I have not been able to leave Gigi even in the childcare room at church without her having a HUGE meltdown there and later at night. It has been a challenge. She will stay with my older children, though. One thing I have noticed is that she is terrified of Asian women. She clings to me and sometimes cries when both our piano teacher and her first-steps therapist try to hold her. I wish I knew for certain what she was thinking, too. Have you had sleep issues? Gigi is having nightmares, night terrors and sometimes inconsolable crying jags at night. I love your willingness to learn from Eliza. She is a very lucky little girl!
Shannon,
Yes, we are experiecing the inconsolable crying jags at night too. It is once she has seen a middle aged Chinese woman. She always say, "I E (I am sure that is not the spelling but that is what is sounds like to me) which is the Madarian word for Nanny or Auntie. I wish I could read into their little minds also. I just so bad want to make everything "right" for them. Sleep issues have been huge and our post adoption worker even wrote about them in our post adoption homestudy report, it is getting better though. I was lookin through some of the pictures that we had gathered from some of the other families last night and notice that one family was able to go to the orpahage and the children where tied down to sleep across their chest. I am not sure if it was for safety because the crib sides were not that high or if it was so they did not get up. I also like reading Keira Joy's mommy's post where she said that even if you were referred a "healthy" baby that all the babies we special needs because of the emotional support these adoptive children will need during their upbringing, during different stages of the growing process. It is so good, to have this outlet to know that other adoptive mom's are going through similar experiences that we are also encountering. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your willingness to share and your honesty. I am here for you girl as I know you are here for me!
With Love,
Kindel
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