China adoption? Is it the right option for our family? Is adoption in his plan for us at all? Maybe I am missing my calling? Lots of questions...

It is amazing the twists and turns life takes you. If you asked me 10 years ago, am I at where I thought I would be today? The answer would have been, "No!" Never in a million years did I think that would actually be using my counseling degree, however, I knew that I would be married and I guess 10 years ago I knew it would be to Richard, I never thought that I would have been a foster parent with hopes of adoption.

I do remember a promise that I made to myself when I was the ripe ol' age of 10 standing on the Great Wall of China praying to God and promising him I would make it back to China to adopt my little girl. Do I really think that I need to do that? Are the needs for little girls in China to be adopted as great as they were twenty years ago? Is the reason why the adoption process is going so slow for Richard and I because that China adoption is not the plan that God has for us? As I sit here on the eve of night that Jesus Christ rose again to show us the truth and light, I question, what is his plan is for me? I want to make sure that it is his work that I am doing and have my own agenda in the way of his plan. Did God not realize that the only dream that I had for myself was to grow up, get married and have a family. Is my definition of family and his definition of family different? Is his definition of family for me just a husband and to be a parent of the world with working with children who have biological parents.

Believe me, I am totally grateful for the experiences I have had with E and Kai-Li. I have learned so very much from them and have gotten to see different experiences through their eyes. I look at people differently and see the saddness for what they can not see because they are worried about the mundane and superficial parts of life. So on the eve of this Easter Sunday... I am still very THANKFUL for all the God has given me. I hope and pray at the end of the day and 'in the end' that I have made him proud for the choices that I have made, friendships I have made and cultivated and relationships that I have chosen not to foster. So tonight like everynight I pray for my family, for him to give me strength, for the precious little girl he has given for us to love, for her family and may I be at peace with the decisions that are in front of me.

I know this was a super serious post but soon on to a lighter post and some fun pics of first birthday parties (as an attendee for Kai-Li, meeting new cousins, and dying her first Easter eggs and making pudding drawings.) Love to all!